By: Jean duPlessis. Published by Parody of Satire Press, 2017
NAFI, this dangerous spiritual disease spreads rapidly. What you can do to protect yourself
NAFI is a dangerous virus-like infectious disease that can be transmitted from friends and family. Every month, NAFI claims victims all over the world. NAFI lays desolate what once were viable souls, and now, says spiritual doctors, “They seem like mere shells, zombie-like creatures, in a manner of speaking.”
Learn how to protect yourself from NAFI.
How to know whether you are coming down with NAFI
NAFI slowly taps your very life force until it has drained you of all vitality. Spiritual doctors describe chronic sufferers of NAFI as zombie-like creatures with no more soul, no more purpose than breathing.
Early Symptoms of NAFI
- You sleep more than 8 hours per day, yet you still feel lethargic.
- You can sleep during daytime, yet you don’t feel more rested, alive and energetic afterward.
- You snack during daytime and in the evening, yet you don’t feel better afterward.
- You prefer to be up at 12 at night rather than 6 in the morning.
- Your food makes you feel tired, rather than energized and ready to take on life’s exciting little challenges
- Of all the foods available, you gravitate to fried foods, sugary foods, wheat based foods, and synthetic tasting sauces and cheeses.
- You drink pop and coffee to “get a life”, yet it does not lift you high as it should, but merely keeps you going.
- You are developing a victim mind-set, blaming society or circumstances because you are not anymore naturally happy and life is rather hard to deal with.
- You are bored and ‘lazy’ more often than happy, sprightly and out-and-about.
- You are prone to weight gain.
- You are prone to pessimism.
- Your skin may be pale, even taking on a somewhat translucent colour at times, sort of greyish at times.
- You watch more TV or shows on your phone than before.
- Your social life may revolve around your mobile device and television.
- Your digestive system is not what it should be, your farts smell worse every year that goes by.
- You think you have enough sex to be normal but are surprised to learn that the world average for persons aged 28 to 55 exceeds 150 times per year, and you are falling below average
- You have not read any philosophy or poetry in the past year.
- You have difficulty with self-motivation.
- You like and forward quotes about being the best person you can be.
- You hear about people who travel and experience amazing things in foreign lands, but you have no ambition or energy to do same and will in any event easily cite many reasons why you cannot do it, cannot get away, or cannot afford it.
- You don’t attend church, schull or temple because you don’t agree, yet you have not figured out what your new truth is. You have no spiritual framework to speak of, yet you may hold erroneous opinions on Buddhism: that is not a religion, does not encourage worship, does not believe in blessings and magic tattoos, and does not have gods and heavens and that monks are poor, and monks are vegetarians.
- You find self-validation in paying for “quality” clothing several hundred % more than what the same clothing sells for in Asia, Africa and Eastern Europe. External validation is at the root of your sense of self.
- Every year that goes by, you find that you care a little bit less about how you look, what you eat, and what mind-food you consume, yet your arrogance grows as your self-worth diminishes.
If you suffer from eight or more of the above symptoms you are considered a High Risk case, and should take immediate action to not fall prey to full-blown NAFI.
How to protect yourself from NAFI and repeated re-infections
NAFI is highly infectious but the good news is that nature is helping you to fight back. You will notice that NAFI people like to hang together, and non-NAFI people don’t like to hang with NAFI people. This creates a pool of NAFI re-infection and the potential soul mortality rate increases exponentially the more contact you have with NAFI people.
- The first order of business in protecting yourself from NAFI infections is to stay away from NAFI people as much as possible. Don’t let them breathe on you, don’t share intimate space and soul energy with them as far as possible.
- The second thing to do is get healthy antibodies. If you still have what it takes, have intimate relations with non-NAFI people. This will help you to drink up their non-infected energies and boost your immune system to resist NAFI.
- Eat fresh foods and stop associating with foods where NAFI breeds: pizza, North American pasta, synthetic cheeses and sauces, fried foods, wheat, foods with preservatives and artificial flavorings, stay away from homogenized milk and soy products. Use only unsweetened fermented milk products (natural unsweetened yogurt), fermented soy products (tofu, soy sauce), full milk, and avoid all low fat, low-cholesterol labelled foods. Avoid chain restaurants and fast food places, all their food is toxic when you have NAFI; you simply cannot survive the constant re-infections. See the article, The NAFI-buster Diet.
- Walk barefoot indoors and outdoors.
- Keep your toilet bowl clean as an eating plate, wash your shower with bleach. Replace your toothbrush every few weeks.
- Get out of your community and meet new people, eat different foods with different pathogens to stimulate your natural defenses, and listen (yes, listen) to people from different cultures.
- Clear your social network diary and go out, walk about, watch the stars and the ants.
- Refuse to masturbate out of frustration, boredom and loneliness. Only masturbate when you feel sexy, beautiful and alive.
The above list is a good start. Get some of those things done asap and when you have mind-space, read more of groundbreaking works on finding a NAFI cure.
Learn more about NAFI
Definition of NAFI:
NAFI is an acronym for the technical name of a dangerous soul infection named No Ambition Fuck-all Interest.
Every year, NAFI is responsible for the soul-death of millions of North Americans and Western Europeans.
The WNF (World NAFI Foundation) considers NAFI to be the number one killer of souls in the western world.
The most prevalent NAFI symptom is an unrepentant unhappiness that in time leads to an inability to feel happy.
Germany has officially given up on finding a cure for NAFI. The prevailing wellness-thinking for sufferers of NAFI in Germany is to work harder and stress more, because that will lead to less time to be aware of the victim’s mortal unhappiness, and s/he will have money to spend on things that will bring brief relief.
Jean duPlessis, a prominent spiritual healer works in clinics in Cambodia and Ontario, Canada . He is a world-leading authority on curing NAFI. His research and clinical notes reveal that people from no less than fifty different countries regularly visit the Spiritual Energy Center in Siem Reap for consultations on symptoms related to NAFI. According to Jean, the success rate for a complete NAFI cure is higher than 85% with a retention rate exceeding two years, if you catch it early.
“The greatest danger of NAFI is that sick people stop to think, infected people have a significant drop in IQ which compounds with a drop in EQ (emotional quotient), which leads to stupidly unhappy people sitting on couches.” Jean duPlessis, pneumatherapist
“People infected with NAFI masturbate a lot in the beginning, way too much. But that tapers off as the infection takes over the body and soul until finally they have no sex at all, even losing the desire to take matters in their own hands.” Jean duPlessis, pneumatherapist
NAFI articles from PARODY PRESS:
NAFI: The Yogi Water Cure enema and other disruptive remedies
NAFI: How pity-sex spreads the malady
Is NAFI the result of modern-day slavery?
NAFI: the malodorous malady
The 8-day anti-NAFI retreat in Cambodia: 99% effective treatment and wellness program
The NAFI cure: a clinician reveals
The NAFI-buster Diet
This article is a satirical piece of nonsense by the otherwise-talented author Jean duPlessis. Blame him, and him only any inconvenience and psychological damage caused by having been exposed to this material.