I had only been on my trainee programme for Pneumatherapy at the Wayist Spiritual Healing Retreat Centre in Siem Reap for a few weeks, when a woman visited the Centre for a Know Your Karma session.
For ease of reference, I shall refer to this person as Kate. Kate, a 40 year-old single woman, presented to the Centre in a calm, gentle manner. Slightly withdrawn at first, she stated that she was feeling stuck in her life and was searching for “more”, though could not verbalise at the time what this more was or how she could go about achieving it.
An initial chakra reading revealed that her Muladhara Chakra was very weak, Manipura Chakra was weak too and the rest of the Chakras were fine, except for Svadhisthana, which was completely blocked.
We could possibly understand why Muladhara was weak, since Kate stated that she had recently re-located and was feeling rather unsettled in her life at the moment. However, we really needed to understand better why there was no energy in the Svadhisthana chakra. In trying to get to the root of the problem, we gently started to probe into what could be causing this, asking around possible past sexual traumas. Kate stated that she has never been abused and that she has had a pretty straight forward life, except for a divorce that she went through about ten years ago, which had really shook her at the time. However, she claimed that it has been a long time since the divorce now and feels that she is pretty much over that relationship. She has also had a couple of other relationships since then, but stated that she does not feel regretful or stuck on such break-ups.
We continued talking with Kate, particularly about her marriage and its break-up, and almost casually she mentioned how her marriage lacked sexual intimacy. It was interesting to note how Kate did not feel the need to share such information with us straight away, since she only mentioned it in passing during our conversation. Was it simply because she was still building her trust in us that she did not as yet feel totally comfortable with divulging more intimate information or were there other reasons for her dismissing this piece of news? Rather than speculate we decided to share with her our thoughts and Kate’s reply was that she did not think it was that important to mention – it has been a long time since the divorce anyway, she felt confident that she had overcome any heart-ache related to that break-up and she never considered herself to have any difficulties with sexual intimacy anyway.
Kate had advanced in other areas of her life. She was successful – and happy – in her career as a nurse and felt this was her calling and purpose in life, which could explain why there was positive energy in her Manipura chakra, albeit it being weak. Choosing a career which required having compassion towards others may also explain how her Anahata Chakra was strong and Kate further confirmed this by stating that she holds no grudge against people who have hurt her or disappointed her in the past.
So how come Svadhisthana was so blocked? How come her sense of self was so weak? When asked, she stated that she has not closed her heart to love again. She considers herself open to receive love, though she stated that she keeps getting disappointed with love. Kate has made choices in her life which enabled her to connect with others in a compassionate manner, giving a lot of her energy to help others in need. But where does that leave her in terms of how she looks at herself, and more importantly at how much and how she loves herself? It was as though her gentleness with which she initially presented herself was now being understood as a way of hiding herself. Her withholding of information was her cautiousness. What was holding Kate back from allowing us to truly see her? What was blocking Kate from loving herself and receiving love?
Once again, we decided to share some of our thoughts with Kate and our observations of her lower soul minds. At this point, Kate decided to open up more. She stated that perhaps although she felt she has made progress in other areas of her life, she has neglected herself and perhaps underestimated the impact of her marriage on her sense of self. Kate shared how her 10 year marriage did not just lack sexual intimacy, but it was practically devoid of that. She claimed that her husband had issues of his own regarding his sexuality and never took any particular commitment to deal with them. However, this left Kate in a state of despair, with unresolved questions around her own sexuality and sexual needs, desirability as a woman and an unfulfilled longing for motherhood. After a couple of years in this situation, Kate stated how she had almost resigned herself to not having sexual intimacy, however, she could not give up on her desire to have children. For this reason, she was prepared to engage in other measures to get pregnant. Kate spoke about the numerous cycles of intrauterine insemination, none of which were successful. She also took fertility medication to enhance her chances of getting pregnant, and all of this despite the fact that fertility tests for both her husband and herself were positive.
As a novice in this field of work, Kate’s story intrigued me with a multitude of questions. Is it possible that having deprived herself from sexual contact for so long had shut down her Svadhisthana chakra? Could such blockage, then, be the cause of the failed attempts at getting pregnant despite the fact that her physical body was well functioning? And what helped her cope with this blockage for such a long time? Why was Svadhisthana still unhealthy even though Kate was no longer in such dysfunctional relationship? Could it be that having lived in such a situation for long time still left its mark on her, even though the circumstances of her life have now changed? Kate stated that she was open for love again – and perhaps the energy in her Anahata chakra showed that – but how possible will this be for her if her sense of self and her love of self were still weak? And this takes me back to Kate’s presenting issue – her sense of feeling stuck in life while knowing that there is more that she could be living. Her awareness of the “more” is reflected in the somewhat stronger energy shown in her higher soul minds but could it be that her weak sense of self is hindering her creativity, causing more stuckness and thus acting as a stumbling block towards further growth along her path?
As a trainee, I am aware that further assessment is required to get a more global picture of Kate’s situation and so come up with a holistic treatment plan for her. However, this story has been an eye opener for me into a deeper understanding of soul minds, their function and their evolution.